Hello lovely Being,
When we commit to living our highest joy, which for me, at the moment, requires me to love my financial situation for how it is right now (see previous Love Invocation: Let’s Love our Nemesis) we will certainly experience our greatest fears. Those fears may seem to be unrelated to what our highest joy is, but the very commitment to go for it will provoke whatever is in us that's holding us back from being all that we are to spring forth from our being to be faced, loved and integrated!
In my case, I have to confess that I was feeling so much fear earlier, as a result of my commitment to embrace my 'financial situation' that I could actually feel pain in my heart and numbness down my arms. I was so petrified that I could feel my very life-force draining from me.
How can I love my financial situation when I am in this much fear, so much that I feel I will literally pass out, if not actually pass away?
How do we deal with that?
Well, as my guidance pointed out to me yesterday, I realised that I was still fighting my fear; that I was trying to resist it. Yet, as I meditated on my fear I felt that, despite the intensely challenging circumstances I am creating in my life, in a way I love it!
For it gives me a sense of adventure, drive, an edge, excitement, richness and diversity in my life; I am embarking on an exciting expedition with great treasures awaiting discovery every step of the way.
And so, I was using this fear to propel me on my adventure, to hasten the quest and heighten the exhilaration.
I knew that if I could embrace this much fear, my capacity to experience ecstasy would also increase exponentially! I heard my guidance saying; "Love the fear, Leela, for it’s an opportunity to experience more of your joy in your everyday life and hence more ecstasy on this momentous journey of yours"
I tried walking on the beach, but I was experiencing so much more heart pain and dizziness that I felt I had to ask again for more help with my fear.
But then, as I turned to face the dazzling and scintillating crystal clear waters of our bay, it hit me: the light, the beauty was so intense that it made me want to cry ...I had thought it was so overwhelmingly beautiful the day before; but it had only got even more intensely beautiful that day!
I felt utterly entranced and in wonder of the light: the iridescent flashes of colours reflecting in the golden sands and clear sparkling water! I was utterly caught in a mesmerizing spotlight of wonder and love with it all. And in that moment of wonderment, of feeling in love, I slipped almost imperceptibly into the stunning recognition that all that I was perceiving was an ecstatic emanation of my own Being, it truly was 'all Me'!!
It felt I had waded into a bath of liquid love washing through me as waves of pulsating fractals of light were escalating out of my being and flooding everything 'around me' until I truly felt no difference between me, the beach, sky, sand and water! I fell to my knees and cried in this light; with tears of delight, tears of gratitude!
Now, here I am, in the throws of ecstasy and delight, and suddenly it occurs to me that I'm supposed to be terrified - what has happened to my fear?!?!?!
So, in that glorious moment, I tried, I tried as hard as I could, to connect with my fear by thinking about the situation that only moments ago had had me petrified.
I tried to envision all manner of possible dire consequences of my financial situation taking me to utmost extremes, but, here's the thing: I just couldn’t tap into the fear.
The light seemed to be expanding within me and outside me simultaneously, and so allowing all the situation that I had been so resisting and pushing away from me to be naturally brought back into me and so the fear was dissolving and being turned into light.
Being in that radiant light I couldn't even bring up the tiniest residue of fear; as I say, even trying to muster up any kind of response in me by conjuring up the worst scenario that I could imagine, had absolutely no effect on me whatsoever!!!
So, I concluded ecstatically: "By simply staying in this light and beauty and in love with all this as Me, my fear is all being brought into the light and vanishing, and I am a beacon of light...."
Then I heard the soft wisdom of my guides: "You know what you are doing: you are flipping dimensions at this very moment!"
"When you are experiencing fear you are experiencing your life in the normal human experience of 3d reality. When you go into your light, as you are now, you have shifted your life’s experience into a higher vibrational bandwidth.
"So, when you live your life through staying in the light, the joy and the beauty, your life’s details, such as your financial situation, will shift with you. For, when you are in this new dimension, you know you are the curator of your reality and you can see it turning back into the light it always was and that you are."
As I played with this new vibration of Being, I reflected again on my 'financial situation' and was musing about how nice it would be to, say, attract a loving benefactor, right away...
And then, blinding revelation: Wow! What if perhaps I could extend my previous idea of a loving relationship with my Nemesis- my intensely challenging financial situation - and to up the ante to treat the financial situation itself AS my loving benefactor! What a radical and uplifting thought!
And so, with that awesome idea I am now excited to live my life from that premise: I am choosing to allow my financial situation to be my loving benefactor, to support me in whatever way appears in my life!
And as I integrated this idea, I realised that my highest joy is to be that Beacon of Light, and that I saw that I was creating intensely challenging situations in my life, where there appeared to be no feasible way out, in order to use them to take me into this Light that I am.
I realised that I had this inherent wish to live my life everyday as an intensely spiritual experience, and that this has come to my attention through these challenges that keep coming to me, in so many ways!
And in that moment I realised that I had been using fear to deepen into more love and intimacy. I was using fear to break open my heart and connect into more intimacy and love with my reality.
And, as I savoured these exquisite ideas, just like sipping a fine wine, holding the glass close to my heart so not to break the spell of the moment (and these gorgeous ideas), I heard the soft voice of my guide: "This is your job, this IS your vocation. As you step into the light of yourself and live this idea, you will find many people will come to support you in many different ways.
"And do you remember when you thought you were going to die in the car crash (when I was 18!), and everything went into slow motion, as you felt yourself tumbling through the air? And you could hear every sound, particularly the tinkle of breaking glass as the windscreen hit a tree branch and then resounding thud of metal hitting undergrowth?! You felt and experienced everything then with an intensity that seemed to freeze-frame your life into a moment of breathtaking beauty; you were in awe of your creation.
"Today, when you have to make that call to your bank, go back into the wonder of that near-death experience. Know that this is how you wish you to live your life: as an intensely spiritual experience. Know that your financial situation, your whole life, truly IS your loving benefactor. And know your reality will support you in ways that will surprise you!"
So, as of that moment, my friends, I am choosing to live an intensely spiritual life - and for me, that's to be a 'Beacon Of Light' and let the details of my life, as my loving benefactor, take care of me!
And now I am astounded, for having made that decision, a whole catalogue of events immediately and synchronistically occur that day:
- - In my call with my bank I was so overcome at the extraordinarily loving response I got from them - was this really a bank I was talking to? They seemed to so naturally believe in me and what I was doing, and before I knew it, my bank had indeed become my 'loving benefactor' and I had a line of credit opened for me - amazing!
- - Then my beloved partner John had some wonderful response to a work contract idea he put out!
- - Later, that day a friend offered us a brilliant possibility to draw in great abundance
- - Then I had a client from a few years ago contact me wanting some more help from me regarding a crucial decision for a change in life path
- - And when I went to my letterbox I found a hand written letter addressed:- "Fan Mail - Leela Jamieson", with some cash enclosed as an appreciation and a both a request for and offer of help!
So, I am in wonder and awe of our creation and what happens when I start to view my financial situation and even my whole life as my "loving benefactor"; especially when faced with what would appear to be an intensely negative experience, as this appears to get us to take notice and really check in with ourselves for what we really want and who we really are.
And I am in awe that the support arises in not just one way, but many ways, so quickly!
So, if you also apply this to your own Nemesis (whether it's your health, your relationship, your job, your physical circumstances, etc.) - that this Nemesis is actually your own Loving Benefactor, you too may create an entirely new relationship with your reality; even beginning to flip dimensions too and find yourself in a whole new wonderland, loving every step of the way!
Lots of love
PS Thank you John, my Partner, for all these incredible photos, and all his wonderful support!
PPS If you would like support, inspiration and love, help turning you Nemesis into your Loving Benefactor and allowing it to reflect perfection back to you, then it would be my joy and absolute passion to assist you. To take the next thrilling step to being more of yourself and living your dream, please do reply to this email, or call me on +44 (0)1736 798 081 and/or go to my website:
Loveandinsight.com (my main website: healing, courses, resources)
KeysofAscension.com (FREE Personal Ascension video and attunement!)