Wednesday, December 21, 2005
I have learnt this great secret; and that is to enjoy and embrace my own natural joy and act on whatever that may be - in each moment, and without judgement: to act on that which is truly effortless and feels good.
And so I had taken the leap into a joyful province and ended up playing all day; pirouetting between writing my thoughts, having an adventure walk, talking lovingly with my friend, making a stunning dress, knitting a crazy hat and then the 'ultimate act' - hovering, scrubbing the kitchen floor and cleaning the bathroom: all whist in my ecstasy. Now that's truly going up the scale of my delight!
And all accompanied by the ecstatic beat of my heart drumming this sweet melody: I am happy, I'm in harmony and I am hip.
It feels so good to be flowing, free and joyous; the happiness never diminishing.
Ecstasy and bliss are bubbling over into every task, so that they cease being simply a chore and I am in love with whatever I am doing!
I went to bed at midnight and then tried to sleep; but I couldn't: I was so excited!
Then I heard the voice of my own inner tormentor speaking: But, you haven't done any real work!
I thought about this for just a second and then I said: Sod it! I feel so good, why would I ever want to choose to be in any less joy than this?
I chortled to myself: It's a pity I can't earn a living from my bliss! I have so much of it; it's so easy for me to source the love in each and every moment.
Then it hit me like a thunderbolt of heavenly inspiration: Of course! I am a naturally ecstatic being! I am a natural ecstatic being! And I always have been, except, that is, when I have felt the need to earn a living.
I have always believed that I have had to do or produce something truly amazing: phenomenal, in fact, as way to sell myself and what I have to offer. And to a certain extent I have enjoyed some success courting this belief. But now it was becoming apparent and clear that this has all been creating too much strain in me.
I hadn't realised this until today, when John gave me a 'gift' - he took away the computer and recording device I use, since he needed it. And so, as the opportunity to do my 'work' had been taken away from me, I had no option other than to play!
And I thank God that he did, for I have just shown and reminded myself how much I enjoy being in my bliss. I would have never have discovered this for myself if I hadn't given myself the opportunity to revel in this magical play all day.
And that is, for sure, the only way I want to live! It became so apparent that what I am naturally born to do is share the joy.
So here I am in the middle of the night, excited as a child with a new discovery.
And, even though I like my sleep and have never been motivated to get up at this time before, I can't hold back 'the force' and just naturally want to get up and write about this bliss!
It's now 3 am; a magical time when creativity just flows, it seems, and I am having an secret nocturnal illicit encounter with my own love - to divine a wondrous new creation: a 'product' which is purely and simply based upon bliss, bliss and more Bliss!
I find myself writing the format, notes, details and structure of this new course. It's truly amazing. I have never had such attention to detail and been so expansive at the same time during the day, let alone in the middle of the night!
I think I'll call it: Bliss, bliss and more Bliss – A' how to' guide for living an ecstatic life and revelling in unending Joy.
It will be a monumental audio/visual series to take you into a new dimension of aliveness, joy, ecstasy, love and creative expression!
And so I have come to this wonderful realisation: it really is true that one can never know what you are until you follow your true self, your natural joy and your innate instinct.
Our greatest gift to ourselves and our world is in recognising and honouring what we are naturally brilliant at; which is often so much a part of ourselves that we do not even notice or recognise it.
Sometimes we are blind to our own magnificence and sometimes by being denied the opportunity to do what we think we 'ought' to do – we've nothing left to do but to follow these pulses and let them carry us to a triumphant fanfare of celebrating our supreme gift.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Today, there is this huge gaping ache in my heart; it feels like the pain of unrequited love…
So much love and beauty inside me wanting vivid expression.
This sadness is driving me deeper to find a way to express the beauty, the vivid realm of my interior world.
How can I console this interminable agony?
As I venture into the realm of my imagination, I encounter the wizard of my higher consciousness.
And these quiet, wise words offer a balm to my tormented mind; Go into your ache, dive into it, ask yourself what does it make you want to do?
The sadness is like unrequited love; it seeks to be loved and supported. To give birth to something new and breath taking.
It is the call of my soul for me to seek a way to requite my love.
I am feeling that my love is just going down a one way street out right now. How can I be loved by my universe, my world, as I love them?
And with a slow easy breath, a flash of my longing becomes apparent, this what I desire:
I want to surrender totally to the realm of my imagination.
I want to live out the mystical fairy realm, rich with fire breathing dragons, unicorns and beings of light. To me this realm is my true home and I feel the urge to express my own private world and make it real in the 'outside' world!
I want to dive into my own magical universe and create magic .My imagination is verdant and fertile and longs to express itself through painting, storytelling and songs of enchantment.
And to follow, follow, follow the call of my soul; the sad lament that hankers for someone to hear my song…
So, I fall into my sadness, and with a bump I meet with my own sacred promise I made to myself - the secret, the gift of me:
I am falling off the edge of the Earth of my self-enforced reality and staring face-to-face with my dream world. I love this dream world; everything is so much more malleable and fluid.
Then the wizard of my consciousness says:
But this is you! You are the magic realm, you are a living, breathing fire dragon and an angelic fairy being.
I scoffed over this. No wonder I am having such a hard time fitting into this world. I am not being who I really am - the being of my imagination and most exciting dreams.
So I allow myself to slip even further into my divine self.
It feels so good. Oh yes, Yes!
So my pain is my guide. It urges me to love even more deeply and true. As my lover, my universe can only respond to my love. But if I am stamping my feet wanting something to change, I only will see that the reality I create will mirror my exasperation.
To be loved, I need to respond to my own love, give it an expression. I remind myself:
Be Love, carve your name with pride in the Stars. Celebrate what you are - all that you love.
Revel in it. Create a sonnet out of it - an art form. Your pain, these longings are rich material for Art.
I cast aside any doubts, for doubts only help to intensify my pain of lost love.
I hold the shining blade of conviction as my trusty warrior self and I hasten to meet my destiny as I venture into the room of infinite possibilities.
I breath in my new world, I luxuriate in the fire of my passion, I revel in it, wrap my arms around it.
I realise in this one fine moment that my creativity is sensual and so am I. As I respond to the call of my soul to celebrate, rather than repress my sadness, I have encountered the secret of love.
The love that I seek is intimately bound to my creativity which is nestling in the folds of my sadness.
I will be forever true to my love: my loving responsive universe.
It feels like a call to Mass, to respond to a call to Requiem, in celebration of the death of my old conventional self and the birth of my own magnificence, my wonderful dream.
I hear music. The heavens are rejoicing! I am rejoicing.
Joy to my world!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
And today I have the burning recognition of just how much I love to walk and dance in the light!
My soul's calling to get on my walking boots and head for my daily adventure; this is like absinthe to my soul.
I have this wondrous love affair with nature. When I go walking I just surrender eagerly to becoming infused in the light of the sun, to be chased by the wind and wooed by the rich, vibrant cathedral of nature's delights. To be overwhelmed by it all, to let it excite my being to a glorious crescendo of my wild spirit!
And so I start at a modest lope and as I pick up speed I feel like I am dancing: radiating trails of bliss, utter joy and full blown joie de vivre in my wake.
I wriggle out of the strait jacket of the struggles that have dampened my spirit and I follow the pied piper of my delight!
Walking always does this for me. It invigorates me; it gives me an opportunity to pay homage to this beautiful world. As I walk in gratitude and in celebration of the awesome beauty around me, I feel in perfect union. I walk like I am dancing - swirling in writhes of merriment and laughter; for I am enjoying courtship with nature as my lover, who whispers tenderly in my ear wise words of enchantment.
And so I surrender into the heavenly bliss of the intense blue sky and sink my legs deep into the earth; my footsteps mirroring the pounding of my heart.
I hear the whisper of the wind and the sound of my universe vibrating through me as the leaves tumble around in a resplendent echo: this is how I feel, this is truly me, wild and free, wild and free – is how we're meant to be!
And so I rush back home full of inspiration, and keen to share my lover's secrets in a song or a story. I feel I have been blessed, invigorated and had a splendid adventure to boot!
So yes, I do feel wild and free: that’s me - a harbinger of joy and dancing spirit for all to see!
This is what makes me happy, infuses me, enthuses me with my reason for living – to live an ecstatic life! And not to shackle myself to the idea of making a living but to be pure living in the making!
I am being an ecstatic living - glory, Glory, GLORY!!!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Now, even though I have been passionately choosing to live my life as one flowing, happy, synchronistic event, I find it particularly fascinating that I can still produce days of utter creative blockade!
For me, as I explore this concept with curiosity and honesty, I am amazed to discover how creative I have been in avoiding expressing my highest joy. I have found to my chagrin that I have some severely limiting beliefs - fulfilling my creative joy seems to be something I want to avoid at all costs!
It is most perverse how I have manifested creating drama in my life instead of channeling it into a form of art, which is my true desire.
As a result of all this repressed expression, I have been suffering from excess creative energy which periodically spills out into crazy, almost neurotic, behaviour.
Just yesterday, for example, I got up, totally full of the joys of spring, totally fired up and ready to go for finishing a song I'm composing in a whole new rock 'n roll style. I was quite simply bursting with enthusiasm and then before I even knew what was happening I somehow found myself creating an argument with my poor, unsuspecting beloved partner John over some completely incidental misunderstanding. This catalysed an issue in me of such utter betrayal that, surprise, surprise, I couldn't even begin to immerse myself in my music. So, I went shopping instead!
As I was driving, the mists began to part in my distress and I took ownership for having created this drama. Rather than feeling sorry for myself, I began to wonder why I would go to such extreme measures to avoid expressing my creative joy.
Well, it occurred to me that actually, I had come to associate being creative with tremendous strain. Somehow I had been experiencing a deep pull to 'achieve', a need to 'make it', always trying, trying, trying to 'get there', to 'get it right': in fact, to get it perfect. This had been culminating in an exhaustion that had left me thoroughly depleted and burnt out. I felt like I had been racing forever on a treadmill trying to get somewhere, but never actually getting there!
So, this morning, as examined my own thinking process through my daily dialogue with my deep self, I could then see the truth: namely that no matter how hard I try I will never make it! Not, that is, according to my old definition of success.
Because, you see, all my life I have felt that I have been separate from all my projects, my passions and my work. In fact, I had taken it to the extent of often valuing myself solely on what I could achieve. I was seeking fulfilment through the idea of achievement of doing things well and if only I could just 'get there', then I would be happy!
And the more I tried to make up the distance between where I was and where I thought I ought to travel to, the more I amplified that gap.
As I pondered on this dilemma of having to have somewhere to 'reach' or something to grasp on to I could feel the tremendous strain it was putting on my being. Once I became aware of this, however, I had a natural response to do just the opposite and that was to relax and collapse back into myself.
And when I did this, to my surprise, I could feel that where I wanted to get to was all already here, rather than something outside and separate from me. Now I could see that the only real alternative was to accept that I was already all that I ever needed to be. I recognised that I am already a complete kit, as it were. I could see that I am my own expression, I am my creativity, I am my own 'product' and that anything I physically produce is merely an extension of me, not the definition of me.
Now, as I write these wonderful words and embrace with delight the idea that I am my own product, project and creativity, something magical starts to unfold. I can feel that I will create all the time I need as a natural consequence of what I give my priority to.
For example, in this very instance now, I am choosing to act on my greatest love and my passion in this writing!
As I ponder on this thought I hear that great song by Louis Armstrong; "We have all the time in the world. Time enough for life to unfold all the precious things love has in store."
Indeed we do!
So, right now, I choose to create all the time I need for whatever my creative expression is, without the idea that I need to get somewhere or to value myself through what I produce!
This simple but profound realisation is really big for me! I have already been enjoying the idea of my entire Universe as not being separate from me (see the first Principle of my Way of the Supreme Gift on my website for more info). And as I now allow myself triumphantly to view my creations as also not something separate from me I can experience them as a flow from one part of my creative expression (the 'inner part') to another part of me (the 'outer' part).
From this place of unity, I am now getting the sensation that I am dancing instead of striving!
This feels wonderful!
I begin to see my life flowing from one moment to the next: each so intimately connected through my joyful expression that it all becomes one ecstatic, eternal moment in the 'Now'.
This feels so much more me, so much more natural.
And so, to live the version of my life that I truly aspire to, is now to allow my Art, my creative expression, to be about 'making' something from my joy in the moment; rather than trying to 'make it' in the 'future'.
I realise now that when I am trying too hard to 'get there', it takes the heart and soul out of what I do and I lose connection with my creative expression. It all becomes too much like hard work and not my joy.
Rather, I imagine that I already am what I wish to create and melt into - and that I am 'losing myself' in this very moment of its creation. Now I am in harmony with my creation and I will not lose step or get out of tune with myself.
And most importantly, all the fatigue and strain has evaporated!
As I play with this idea I allow the magic to begin. I start to create the art I truly wanted to create as way of expressing the huge love I feel for this beautiful world. And this joy inside me that seems so vast, so wanting to spill out of me - I just want to spread it around!
As I allow myself to act on this feeling and allow my heart and instincts to guide me in my creative expression in this moment, rather than the censorship of my limited thinking, something amazing is happening. I am finding my natural creative 'dancing shoes', and feel I can now move so much more freely, further and effortlessly than ever before!
When I make this art from my heart, for the pure joy in the moment and for its own sake, I find that I am then instinctively connectd to my divine Self. I find that I can now create art that previously would have felt unreachable to me! Like the music for the song I am composing that is pouring out of me right now, even as I write. (Previously, I never believed I would have had the ability to produce such a song, especially because I cannot read music, have never been formally trained to sing, or even learned to play an instrument!)
In acting on my love in this way, I feel I have been given a 'divine gift from God'. It's all so exciting to me – these words I'm sharing with you and the unfolding of a song that is completely new territory to me.
And so I joyfully and eagerly free myself from the driver of trying to 'make it' and choose instead to act on my highest creative joy in each and every moment.
And in doing so, even now I am embracing new openings within me to new energies, possibilities, connections and love. For example, I am seeing a new video project unfolding on the horizon.
This is living in the Now.
I have become my own moment and it has its own momentum, blending in perfect harmony, synchronicity and creative joy.
Thus I have become the artist and the dancer and my 'art' has become the dance of my life.
And I wish you happy dancing and artful living too!
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Thank you so much for sharing what has been happening in your life.
It’s amazing, but I truly believe that relationships are the most powerful path to enlightment, because they reveal to us everything we need to know about ourselves to be truly ourselves!
For example, I have found my own relationship with John, my beloved partner, has catalysed extremely intense and diverse emotions in me. However, each one has connected me to the beliefs that I need to address that are limiting me from living a truly ecstatic, creative and abundant life!
I am so grateful for our relationship for it is purifying me into the true gold of myself!
So, I would like to take this opportunity to applaud you for taking this brave path of using your relationship with your partner to discover more of yourself, for it is so easy to step away from the world and relationships thinking we will find that elusive peace.
But you and I know that we don’t want to run away from life, rather to dive even deeper into it!
Relationships are a gift to us from another aspect of ourselves. All the wonderful parts of ourselves that we keep subdued are revealed in the steam that releases when we feel angry or powerless. We can also see in our partner so much that we admire in them that maybe we could learn to integrate within ourselves!
So relationships can be like a huge exciting stomping ground as we venture into them with curiosity and love to discover many more facets of ourselves than we had previously thought we had.
And so, I conclude that the purpose of relationship is to help and support each other becoming more of ourselves as individuals from our own unique standpoints. And through the connection of love, brutal self honesty and the desire to be all that you are (and support to your other self to be all that they are) you will create a relationship that is not only fantastic, but ultimately leads you into the greatest relationship of all - with the whole of yourself and your life!
And so this emotional clearing through relationship is perfect for you right now.
If you have any thoughts about Relationships yourself, we'd love to hear them - please do post them in the comment section.
Lots of Love