Today, there is this huge gaping ache in my heart; it feels like the pain of unrequited love…
So much love and beauty inside me wanting vivid expression.
This sadness is driving me deeper to find a way to express the beauty, the vivid realm of my interior world.
How can I console this interminable agony?
As I venture into the realm of my imagination, I encounter the wizard of my higher consciousness.
And these quiet, wise words offer a balm to my tormented mind; Go into your ache, dive into it, ask yourself what does it make you want to do?
The sadness is like unrequited love; it seeks to be loved and supported. To give birth to something new and breath taking.
It is the call of my soul for me to seek a way to requite my love.
I am feeling that my love is just going down a one way street out right now. How can I be loved by my universe, my world, as I love them?
And with a slow easy breath, a flash of my longing becomes apparent, this what I desire:
I want to surrender totally to the realm of my imagination.
I want to live out the mystical fairy realm, rich with fire breathing dragons, unicorns and beings of light. To me this realm is my true home and I feel the urge to express my own private world and make it real in the 'outside' world!
I want to dive into my own magical universe and create magic .My imagination is verdant and fertile and longs to express itself through painting, storytelling and songs of enchantment.
And to follow, follow, follow the call of my soul; the sad lament that hankers for someone to hear my song…
So, I fall into my sadness, and with a bump I meet with my own sacred promise I made to myself - the secret, the gift of me:
I am falling off the edge of the Earth of my self-enforced reality and staring face-to-face with my dream world. I love this dream world; everything is so much more malleable and fluid.
Then the wizard of my consciousness says:
But this is you! You are the magic realm, you are a living, breathing fire dragon and an angelic fairy being.
I scoffed over this. No wonder I am having such a hard time fitting into this world. I am not being who I really am - the being of my imagination and most exciting dreams.
So I allow myself to slip even further into my divine self.
It feels so good. Oh yes, Yes!
So my pain is my guide. It urges me to love even more deeply and true. As my lover, my universe can only respond to my love. But if I am stamping my feet wanting something to change, I only will see that the reality I create will mirror my exasperation.
To be loved, I need to respond to my own love, give it an expression. I remind myself:
Be Love, carve your name with pride in the Stars. Celebrate what you are - all that you love.
Revel in it. Create a sonnet out of it - an art form. Your pain, these longings are rich material for Art.
I cast aside any doubts, for doubts only help to intensify my pain of lost love.
I hold the shining blade of conviction as my trusty warrior self and I hasten to meet my destiny as I venture into the room of infinite possibilities.
I breath in my new world, I luxuriate in the fire of my passion, I revel in it, wrap my arms around it.
I realise in this one fine moment that my creativity is sensual and so am I. As I respond to the call of my soul to celebrate, rather than repress my sadness, I have encountered the secret of love.
The love that I seek is intimately bound to my creativity which is nestling in the folds of my sadness.
I will be forever true to my love: my loving responsive universe.
It feels like a call to Mass, to respond to a call to Requiem, in celebration of the death of my old conventional self and the birth of my own magnificence, my wonderful dream.
I hear music. The heavens are rejoicing! I am rejoicing.
Joy to my world!